growing gardens out of my wounds

new growth, originally uploaded by ordinarymoment.
Our garden is simple yet teaches so much by just being, growing. Purple + yellow coneflowers, black eyed susans, and hostas in abundance. There is always unexpected joy from perennials, how they change through the years + seasons. Last summer I carefully divided + transplanted these flowers + greenery from my parents’ garden, which came from my mom in-law’s garden before. Knowing that this sharing of beauty would take time to root itself into the earth before blooming again. How easy it is to have patience + faith your garden will grow each year, welcoming those first green shoots in spring, waiting to see the change a new summer brings. And oh, how it’s grown, my poor little withered plants of last summer now thriving + blooming everywhere. You place a bit of yourself into every plant you pat down into the earth, never really knowing what will come of it until it’s gone through the heat of a summer, into the often cold + harsh winter. You have faith that what you’ve done, the messy work of planting, the care + tending, is enough to bring new life + joy in all the years that follow. Accepting that things may not turn out as you expected, trying to understand that change + loss are unavoidable in life.
So I carry this hope with me in all things. I have to find the good in everything, otherwise I don’t know how to fully live. As someone who is prone to worry, to think the worst, to let fear of so many things get the best of me, I just have to have faith that even in the most trying of circumstances, something of value will come out of it. This past school year I faced challenges + disappointments I never could have imagined. I had a hard time writing, weary from just making it through the day. I did my best each day with what I had, even though many days it didn’t seem like enough. So, I said a prayer (and another, and another…), took a breath, and got up and tried another day. I survived, and have been loving these quieter, relaxing days of summer to refresh.
I will savor these last few weeks of summer, knowing another likely difficult season is beginning. But I will go forth certain that all the challenges that are ahead will serve a purpose in my life, helping me grow into a stronger person, teaching me lessons I couldn’t learn any other way. And I will keep dreaming, keep hoping for our journey to take a new turn, trying my very best to do all that I can to make that happen. In the meantime, I have an amazing husband, adorable puppy, cozy house, and bountiful garden to come home to at the end of each day.
The song that has inspired this post and helped remind me how much good can come from our hurt, our sorrow, our bumpy roads:
I know I’m alive
raised from the dead inside
breaking out of honeycomb tombs
growing gardens out of my wounds

I know I’m alive…


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